Not usually something I would answer here, but Anon, I don’t want to leave you feeling bummed and alone about this.
Believe me when I say that every skater has been in that spot at one point or another—whether they’re fresh meat, just made a team, or are long-standing vets. It’s not just you, and you’ve got a whole community of skaters struggling through very similar things at any one point.
Being new is hard. It takes time to get to know your fellow skaters, and you’re doing so while struggling through your own growth on eight wheels. There are going to be times when you beat yourself up for messing up a skill that everyone else gets in a heartbeat. There are going to be times when your fellow skaters go out for drinks without you, and you worry that you’ll never have those kinds of friendships. There are going to be times when you cry in the shower because your muscles hurt and you don’t know why you’re torturing yourself three times a week.
But it does get better.
My advice to you is the same advice I had to force myself to take last year after I got injured: Remember what you love about this sport. Instead of suffering through practice, go to an open skate or two and just fool around with silly dance music. Watch footage of a skater who inspires you. Focus on the skills you’re really good at, rather than the stuff you’re still working on.
And most of all: Take a week off. Sometimes you’ll need more, but a week is a nice breather. It lets your muscles rest. It’s enough time for the derby chatter to quiet in your brain, letting you hang out with friends you haven’t seen since you got sucked into the void of roller skates and counter-clockwise ovals.
Do that, and more often than not, I bet you’ll remember just why your feet are antsy for scrimmage day.
And if you’re looking for more beautifully-crafted words on this subject than I can write, check out Call the Jam. I do hope this helped, Anon, and I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.